Crossing a border can be a daunting and nerve wrecking thing and that might not necessarily have something to do with those 2 kg of cocaine hidden in between your smelly socks.
I always think that customs officials are being trained to put on mean faces, to make you as uncomfortable as humanly possible. You might be getting the look, when you’re in trouble with your girlfriend, but that has nothing on your average customs guy. It’s almost like they have x-ray vision, but they use their superpower for evil and not for good.
I have crossed many borders in my travel life and most of the time it was a smooth experience, meaning I didn’t get strip searched and none of my body cavities got violated. Please let me clarify, that I am not in the business of smuggling drugs (I do have smelly socks), but even so, seeing a sign that basically says that you will be hanged until you’re dead if drugs were to be found on you (even if someone else put them there) doesn’t make me exclaim in delight.
Before I go through customs I usually check all the parts of my backpack where something could have been hidden. You don’t want to be caught off guard. When do you think was the last time someone believed the words ‘Those are not mine!’? At the same time I take the two padlocks off that secure my biggest compartments. Then I make sure I have my travel documents ready. If there is a visa fee to pay, then I get that money out as well. Customs guys seem to love paperwork with all those arrival/departure cards and stamps and visas, so I usually fill both cards out beforehand and make them staple the departure card into my passport (lost departure cards can cause serious mental meltdowns). All of these things make it easier for officials to check us out and wave us on. If you can’t beat em, join em, right?
Sometimes, though, you can do everything right, but you’ll still get screwed. I was travelling down to Malaysia with my girlfriend. She was unlucky enough to get her purse with her passport stolen while we were on Koh Samui, Thailand. Now this involved numerous trips up to Bangkok to her embassy, which was very annoying already. But when we crossed the border at Sadao my girlfriend was taken away and questioned by police. Apparently her old passport had left the country already with a new owner and the police now thought that she was the imposter. We stayed there for about two hours answering questions and waiting for phone calls to be made, but eventually we were allowed to leave.
When things like these happen try to stay calm, even if you feel a bout of Tourettes coming on. It’s important to make a good impression, so apart from not using your favourite obscenities that includes dressing properly, aka wearing clean clothes, and smiling occasionally. It’s always surprising how far you can get with a smile.
Sometimes crossing borders can be fun as well. When I lived in Thailand for a bit I had to do a monthly visa run down to the Malaysian border. There were maybe six or seven of us leaving Thailand. The Malaysian customs officials always gave us a huge smile and warmly welcomed us to their country. We would then walk around the customs house and line up on the opposite side to get stamped out of Malaysia. The same customs guy would roll in his chair from the window we’d just been over to us and then ask us in a really sad voice if we no like Malaysia, then brightened and send us on our way with a ‘See you next month!’.
As a final note, you probably shouldn’t get too cosy with new found friends while crossing the border. I went from Cambodia into Vietnam and had just met two Englishmen living in Saigon. Our bags only got cursory glances from customs and we were basically waved through. Later that evening we met up in a bar and after a few drinks I was told that they had just successfully smuggled heroin into the country. This might have been just a drunken story, but you try to explain to the police that the only other foreigners at the border aren’t your friends, even though you just look like best chums.
What do you think? Have you got any border crossing stories to share?
